The Power of Relationship Building

The first goal isn't to impress someone. It's to make the conversation comfortable enough that they actually want to open up.

People naturally become more engaged when they're talking about something they genuinely care about. Your job is to notice what that is.

The question you ask should depend on the person in front of you.

An ambitious person telling you about the company they built?

Ask them about it.

Someone who looks exhausted and just wants to get through the week?

Ask about their upcoming vacation.

Someone wearing a watch you know something about?

Ask them about it.

There are infinite kinds of people, which means there are infinite ways into a conversation. You just have to pay attention.

The goal isn't to find the perfect question. It's to find something that makes the other person want to keep talking.

That's openness.

And once someone opens up, you have somewhere to go.

Now make it personal.

Not personal in the sense of asking invasive questions. Personal in the sense of finding something that genuinely connects their world to yours.

Someone is telling you about how they built their business. You tell them about the business you're trying to build.

Now they can give you advice. They can relate to you.

The conversation is no longer:

“You built a business. I have a job.”

It's:

“You built something. I'm trying to build something too.”

You have created a connection between their world and yours.

Or take someone telling you about an upcoming trip to Italy.

“Where in Italy?”

“Puglia.”

“No way. I've always wanted to go. What made you pick Puglia?”

Now you're not just talking to a stranger about their vacation. You're talking about something you both have an interest in.

That's closeness.

You found the thing they opened up about and gave the conversation somewhere to go.

This is where you stop thinking about what you can get from the conversation.

Forget the deal. Forget the pitch. Forget what this person could do for your career.

For a few minutes, you're just two people talking.

Let them see you as a person.

Be enthusiastic. Be playful. Be interested.

If someone tells you about an incredible career they've built, don't immediately turn it into a networking opportunity.

You can simply say:

“You need to write a book. I'll be the publisher.”

Maybe you'll never speak again. Maybe you'll become friends. Maybe you'll end up building something together ten years from now.

You don't know.

That's the point.

A relationship can't begin if you're constantly calculating where it might lead.

The best conversations often happen when you're not trying to make them lead anywhere.

Trust doesn't happen because you had one great conversation. It happens because you keep showing up.

That's why it's called building a relationship.

It takes time.

But the first conversation gives you something most people completely overlook: a reason to talk again.

The person you met is leaving for Italy in two weeks?

Message them in two weeks.

“So? How was Italy? Everything you hoped it would be?”

You already created a little world around that conversation. So when you come back to it, it doesn't feel random.

It feels like you remembered.

The person who told you about the business they're building?

Message them a week later.

“So, did you start writing that book yet?”

Now you've created an inside joke.

You're not sending:

“Hey, just wanted to follow up.”

You're continuing a conversation that already exists.

That's the difference.

Trust isn't built by constantly asking someone for something. It's built by remembering.

Remembering the trip. Remembering the business. Remembering the story they told you. Remembering what mattered to them.

And then showing up again.

Because the strongest relationships aren't built when you need something. They're built long before you do.