You begin doing this by changing the way you speak to yourself.
When I began my career at 18, I was a high school dropout, inexperienced, and in every way underqualified. If I had internalized those things and started seeing myself as the person those words described, I probably never would have had the courage to take the first steps. I wouldn't be where I am today.
Change the way you think about yourself
I was not a high school dropout. I was someone who had dropped out of high school, gotten my GED, and was determined to build something for myself.
I became proud of getting my GED. The only reason me dropping out of high school was ever going to be interesting was if I could use it to show people that I did it anyway. It didn't define me because I didn't define myself by it.
I did not lack experience. I was about to gain it.
I didn't see myself as someone with no knowledge. I saw myself as someone who was thirsty to learn more. At the time, my only job experience was babysitting and customer service. So I started taking courses online. I studied UX design and marketing, and I used those certificates as something tangible to remind myself that I was capable of learning and understanding things I didn't know before.
When I walked into interviews, I presented myself with the confidence of someone who had years of experience. The truth was, I had a lot more to learn. But I didn't walk into those interviews thinking about everything I didn't know. I walked in thinking about everything I was capable of learning.
I was not underqualified. I was eager.
I walked into job interviews as if I knew I was the person who belonged in that room. The truth probably was that I wasn't the most qualified person in the room. But I told myself I was capable.
And that mattered more than I realized at the time.
Today, I am a co-founder and co-CEO of two companies. I've had meetings and sat in rooms with C-level executives from some of the largest companies in the world.
How I defined myself, and continue to define myself, is a huge part of why I didn't become what, by society's standards, I was supposed to.
Dress the part
The way you present yourself not only affects how others see you, but it affects how you feel about yourself. The way you dress gives your brain permission to be confident.
I still remember when I went shopping for my first real job interview.
I was interviewing for a position I didn't even fully understand the title of, and the COO of the company was going to interview me. I had nothing in my closet that felt appropriate for that occasion because I had never had to dress for something like that before.
So I bought a white two-piece pantsuit, wore my hair in a slick bun, and walked into that interview feeling almost like a different person.
Not in a bad way.
That is actually what I remember most about the feeling. I felt different, but I still felt like myself. Just a new version of myself.
Now my closet is filled with every business-casual outfit you can think of. Pantsuits, work dresses, blazers, and more black leather heels than I probably need.
Not because a blazer makes you qualified.
It doesn't.
But because sometimes you have to start dressing like the person you want to become before you fully feel like them.
Be a listener first
I always had this idea that being too quiet meant people were going to think I was stupid.
I would sit in meetings trying to think of something to say instead of actually listening to what was being said. I'd be so focused on finding something intelligent to contribute that I'd sometimes find myself completely lost in the conversation.
Eventually, I decided to try something different.
I sat through an entire meeting only speaking if I genuinely had something to say. I wasn't going to force anything. I was just going to listen and let the conversation flow naturally, the same way I would listen to a friend explaining something to me without feeling pressure to immediately respond.
That meeting became one of the most impactful meetings of my career.
The pressure I had put on myself disappeared, and suddenly I had so much more room to listen, think, and solve.
I've learned that you don't have to prove that you're smart in every conversation.
If I don't understand something, I say it.
“I don't understand what you mean. Can you clarify X, Y, and Z?”
If I don't know the answer, I say I don't know.
“I don't know yet, but I'll look into it and get back to you.”
There is a lot more confidence in being comfortable with what you don't know than pretending you know everything.
Even the toughest, highest-level conversations are still conversations.
Treat them like conversations. It will ease the tension and give you more room to actually bring your expertise into the room.
Read the room and the people in it
Learning how to read a room is a skill that, if you get very good at it, can change the course of your career.
Before you can understand how to navigate a space, you have to understand the space itself.
Who's there? What's each person's agenda? What kind of person is sitting in each seat? Who has decision-making power? Who has influence? What are they trying to accomplish? What isn't being said?
In my years working in partnerships, I've learned that viewing the person sitting across from you outside of their job title is incredibly important.
The person across from you isn't just the VP of Marketing.
They're a person.
They have a life outside of work. They have a reason they come to work every day. They have a personality, someone they love, something they care about, and probably at least one hobby.
The VP of Marketing sitting across from you is still the VP of Marketing. But they're also just a person, like you.
Understanding that changed the way I navigate rooms.
You start noticing the relationships between the people sitting around the table. The VP of Marketing may be sitting across from you, but next to them is the CEO, who may also be their boss.
What kind of boss are they?
How does the VP feel about them?
What are they trying to bring to the conversation?
Why?
What does each person need to get out of the meeting?
You don't need to manipulate the room. You need to understand it.
The better you understand the people, the incentives, and the dynamics around you, the more strategically you can navigate the conversation.
You do belong there
The final, and possibly most important, thing you need to remember when entering a new room is that you do belong there.
Imposter syndrome is real. And the other people in the room probably have it too.
Learn to recognize those thoughts without letting them make you smaller.
Whether it is a job interview for a position you really want, your very first client meeting, pitching your startup to investors, or simply building the confidence it takes to get where you want to go, remember that you are no less than anyone else in the room.
The first client meeting I ever had, I had almost no idea what I was doing. I didn't know much about sales, partnerships, or negotiation.
But I never allowed myself to feel intimidated by the person sitting across from me.
If I didn't understand something, I asked for clarification. If I didn't know the answer, I said I didn't know and told them I would investigate it.
I didn't believe that knowing less than someone made me less than them.
That distinction has stayed with me.
Today, I still walk into rooms where there are people who know more than I do. There probably always will be.
The goal isn't to become the smartest person in every room.
It's to become comfortable being yourself in rooms where you aren't.
You don't need to know everything.
You don't need the perfect résumé.
You don't need someone more successful than you to tell you that you deserve the seat.
You have to decide that you belong before anyone else can convince you that you don't.
“Because you and I could sit across from each other at the same table, and I will believe you are meant to be there — as long as you do too.”
by Julia Chew